My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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