There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
