He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
