I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
