bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
