"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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