Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
