Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
