What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
