Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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