Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
