the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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