just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
