Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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