So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
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