On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
