i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
