Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
