Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
