How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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