i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
