Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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