His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
