I smell stomach acid.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
