absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Are my feet made of real feet?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
