The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
