haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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