Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
