i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
