My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
