I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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