I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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