I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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