Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
