Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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