this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
NoShamevember. You game?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
