Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
