Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The air was thick with penises
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
