Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
