Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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