Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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