Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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