i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Less talking, more tequila
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
