1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Randomize
