Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
