Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
