I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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