I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
We left the knife in your bed.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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