it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
