i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
